In a season of preparing for Oliver! and The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, I am watching my kids use their creative voices daily.
And they are happier for it.
I see them building a community around creative outlet, making friends who also want to create.
I see them excited about life, and looking forward to the work of the plays.
I’ve heard comments like, “I wish we could just do this all day, every day!”
I’ve watched my kids’ eyes light up as they choreograph a dance routine.
I’ve seen my sons put on their costumes they’ve created, and their imagination turn them into William Barfee or Oliver Twist.
Being creative is a way for our family members to find a voice.
And I know it is important.
And I also know it is often hard to do.
That’s why I wrote Helping Your Kids Be Creative and Change Their World.
Life is full of challenges. Goals are often hindered by obstacles that get in our way.
This book is full of solutions our family has found to the challenges we have faced in being creative.
I understand every family is different… so I hope our story can help inspire you to find creative solutions that work for your family.
And GREAT NEWS! Our ebook copy of Helping Your Kids Be Creative and Change Their World is FREE today and Saturday, October 9-10.
If you already have your copy, feel free to still share this freebie with your friends and family.
I’d love to hear from you!
Have your kids ever been in a play? Which one?
If you get a chance to read my book, please let me know!
I hope you are having a great week!
And then our oldest was packing up his car… hugging us all goodbye.
Going off to start his adult life… about 700 miles northeast from us…
Flying away. (ok… driving away. :)
No matter how many times I’ve thought about it,
No matter how often I’ve written about it, (This whole blog is about preparing them to leave, Gosh Dang it!)
It still was a surreal experience as we loaded up his car at 6 am, and said our goodbyes.
I think the hardest part was watching as his siblings shed their tears with him over the past month as the decision became final.
And then watching them hug and cry their goodbyes that morning.
I remember when I left home. It was never quite the same when I came back home to visit.
My siblings were growing up without me there.
They were making new friends, having new experiences… and I wasn’t a big part of them.
I was having new experiences, meeting new people, traveling around the mid-west… and they weren’t.
Things won’t be the same for our family either.
And that’s ok. It takes change to make new and wonderful things happen.
But it doesn’t make me miss the old any less.
Things I’ve learned from this experience:
It will take work to stay closely connected at this distance.
Busy lives require intentional time set aside for communication with the one who isn’t in the house anymore.
There aren’t times we are both in the kitchen getting ready for the day.
There aren’t times sitting at the dinner table together enjoying Taco Tuesday.
There are no lying on the living room or kitchen floor chatting about our day. (for some reason we like floors instead of chairs)
So it takes more planning and using the technology that is available to us.
Social media, texting, FaceTime, videos, phone calls…
All have made him feel a little closer.
Our kids tend to learn well on a need to know basis. (don’t we all?)
I love watching how many things he is learning right now.
Life is a great teacher. Way better than me.
All those things I tried to make him care about for the future…
things like shopping for groceries, cooking, etc.
he is now doing a fantastic job of learning.
Because now he cares about it.
I miss him.
I miss him sneaking up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and hearing him say, “I love you, Mom. You’re the best.”
Technology can’t give me that.
I am looking forward to a few of those hugs when he comes home to visit.
Ok. Maybe more than a few.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Watching my son decide it was time for him to pursue dreams, to go out on his own was a reward in itself.
He made this video for one of his youtube channels that sums up how I feel. I am excited, sad, happy, and sentimental.
He is an amazing young man, full of passion, drive, and creativity.
He makes me see life outside of the box, encouraging me to think.
He hates injustice, and is willing to stand for what he believes in.
I am so thankful for the friends he has, and the relationships he is building inside and outside of our home.
His love and generosity for his friends and family makes my heart full.
It is an honor to be his mom.
What about you? Have any of your kids left home?
What is something you miss the most from having your kiddo around?
I’d love to hear from you!
Check out our books’ page here.
On the side of the hamster cage there is a wheel.
It spins, and goes nowhere.
It makes a lot of noise, all hours of the day and night.
It would go on forever.
Endless movement while never achieving the goal of moving forward.
I have a confession to make. I have often been on that wheel as a parent.
(and I often jump back on it if I am not intentionally watching out for the signs!)
I am guilty of running around in circles, doing unnecessary things just because they are expected of me.
Saying “yes” to things I should be saying, “no… or not now,” to.
Things that keep me busy, moving, running, without moving me any closer to my most important goals.
I can spend much energy on things that are not high priority.
I can find it hard to do the important job of rest, and miss the season of life I am in… because I feel an urgency in my day.
Just a few more laps on that wheel to go!
There are some natural tendencies and some lenses I see life through that have encouraged me to stay on that wheel in the past.
And to jump back on in the present.
Maybe you can relate to some of these things I have found out about myself:
- I like to obey rules.
- I am competitive.
- I have high expectations for me and my family.
- I find success in getting a lot done.
- I want my days to be full of purpose.
- I deeply care about other people.
- I am moved to action easily.
- I have a hard time saying no.
- I feel guilty for not meeting other’s expectations of me.
- I am stubborn. (If I get something stuck in my head to do… I have a hard time changing course!)
- I find it hard to break habits.
With these tendencies, I am a perfect candidate for a wheel runner.
For about the first 10 years of marriage, I ran like a freaking rat…
trying to do everything everyone wanted me to do…
volunteering for everything under the sun…
not getting enough sleep… not getting enough exercise…
not spending much time with close family outside of volunteering opportunities…
and expecting everyone else to be like me.
I expected an almost perfect house, body, kids, and husband;
and pushed my heart, body, soul and family to the limits.
In a religious and community setting, I was surrounded by the philosophy that I was to be a “good wife” and a “good mom”
… and what those voices were telling me… well, it was impossible to do all that they were saying AND focus on the most important things.
But I sincerely tried.
Each person pointed out another area in which I should be doing more.
I needed a cleaner house. I needed to give more money.
I needed to volunteer more. I needed to teach my children more.
I carried guilt as a third leg. Dragging it into most conversations and trying to hide it from the outside world.
My husband saw it. He heard me almost daily apologize for not being a “good enough wife” or a “good enough mom.”
I wouldn’t go to bed until all the dishes were washed and put away because a “good wife” never goes to bed with dishes in the sink.
(an echo in my mind from a college teacher still 20 years later)
My kids saw it. I demanded a lot from them.
Obedience without question.
They often saw an unhappy momma.
Life was overwhelming.
I couldn’t do it all.
I was angry.
I was exhausted.. and then I would feel guilty for feeling angry and exhausted.
Such a vicious wheel!
I needed help.
I needed grace.
I needed permission to say, “No. I cannot do that.”
I needed someone to look me in the eyeballs and say… “GET OFF THAT WHEEL before you CROAK!”
I needed to STOP listening to people who said I wasn’t doing enough… I had a lot of them in my life.
I needed to START listening to people who could help me set a healthy pace of life.
A pace that could last for years… decades.
Those who could help me use my energy and passions efficiently.
Those who could help me turn my tendencies into strengths that worked FOR me… NOT against me.
Those who saw me as an individual with gifts, personality, and a season of life that didn’t always fit into their way of doing things.
With intentional life change, my husband Mike and I have slowly figured out how to stay off that wheel.
Some of you might relate to some of these things.
Some of you might not have had religious influences push you onto that wheel.
But you might have other ones.
Maybe family members.
Maybe a job environment.
Maybe a way of thinking.
Maybe the culture you are surrounded by.
Whatever it is… I am telling you… you have permission to GET OFF THAT WHEEL today!
Take a breather and do some heart searching.
What is controlling your decisions?
Who is influencing your definition of a “good parent” or “good spouse?”
How do you measure your “success” as a parent, spouse, friend, or employee?
Do you allow yourself time to focus on your emotional, physical, and mental health?
Do you allow yourself to say, “No” to things that hinder you from the most important goals in your season of life?
I hope if you are struggling with this… that you give yourself the grace and permission you need.
You will be a better “whatever” when you are able to chose worthy goals, and make baby steps towards them.
You will be a happier spouse, parent, employee… when you see change for the positive.
You will have time to focus on the most important… when you allow yourself to say “No” to those things that aren’t.
I hope you see that by helping yourself… you really are helping those you care about.
And who care about you.
Life is too short… to waste a bunch of energy on that wheel.
Maybe being organized comes easy for you.
Maybe you are a pro at finding and using the latest and newest time management tools.
Maybe it comes natural to you to have a place for everything and everything in its place.
If this is you, than what I am going to say will seem like such a “duh,” post.
… the thought of writing everything down that you do each week is a frightening one.
… you have to remove the layers of appointment reminder cards from your frig because they are a fire hazard.
… you wake up in a panic when the electricity surges off and on, because you don’t remember if you paid your bill last month.
… you get a bill for the doctor’s visit you forgot last week… cause they charged you anyways.
… your library has wanted posters up with your face on it.
I feel your pain. I really do.
For my first 8 or so years of adulthood, I struggled with basic calendar scheduling.
I tried to find ways to keep up with all the info,
break the big projects into doable sized tasks, (bite sized ones!)
and set reminders for all the appointments. (so I could actually go to them!)
The scraps of paper, index cards, and backs of receipts… just weren’t cutting it anymore!
One of the tools that I tried to use to help me be able to do this… was a wall calendar.
Now back in the day, that would have been a good start.
When Mike (my hubby) first tried to get me to use a portable calendar, I was stubborn.
(Mike is one of those time management nerds… and I feel soooooo sorry for him being married to me!)
I thought having a schedule would hinder my “creative” and free spirit!
But after years (I told you I am stubborn!) of coaxing and subtle hints from Mike…
(“oh, look honey… I got you this really pretty planner from work today!”
He worked at Franklin Covey for a few years. Like I said… poor guy!)
… and I got tired of trying to keep it all in my brain
… and saw that Mike was able to relax and be in the moment more by using his planner
… well, I decided to give it a shot!
It has evolved over the past 12 years …
from the wall calendar (which didn’t work so well for being on the go!),
to a Franklin Covey planner (which was a nice way to keep my info with me wherever I went),
to about a year ago I realized I have a personal assistant in my pocket!!!!!!
It’s my smart phone!
I have this wonderful calendar app that sincs with my desk top at home.
Having my phone with me everywhere is the easiest calendar I’ve ever kept up with.
IT’S SO NICE!!!!!
My calendar app helps me plug in my appointments and when I want to accomplish my “to do’s.”
I use it at the doctors, dentist, library, out at the store, and more.
The office staff at these places make comments about how organized I am.
I have literally laughed out loud at them… and then apologized saying “Thank you, I am trying.”
I can set alerts to remind me of a commitment , and then move what I didn’t get done to another day.
One of the other benefits of using the online calendar is that my husband and teens all use the same calendar app.
As they have gotten more obligations outside of the home, it has helped cut back on double booking.
In a life full of “to-do’s,” I have to set aside intentional time to connect with those that I want to know the most.
Life in a house of 8 people tends to be just a little “cray-cray” at times. :)
Having a clear plan for my time and appointments makes it doable, and helps keep the priorities on the forefront.
If you feel overwhelmed with keeping up with your schedule,
I’m encouraging you to take some time to check your pocket.
See if you have an option of a calendar app on your phone.
If you don’t… find a portable calendar you can keep on you.
and then write down ALL of your commitments.
And then CHECK your calendar before you commit to more!
Whatever you choose, give it a fair try.
Habits tend to take a few weeks to build and break.
There is hope. If I can get better at it… anyone can!
How about you? What do you use to stay organized with your time?
Share your organization tips in the comments! I’d love to hear from YOU!
Our youngest son, (currently 10 years old) Christopher, has dealt with life threatening food allergies since he was a toddler.
This past week, he agreed to do an interview with me.
As his parent, it was interesting to hear him talk about how having allergies has affected his life and way of thinking.
These are his thoughts on living with severe allergies as a kid.
Question: Hey, Christopher. Thanks for being willing to talk about this. To start off, what are you allergic to?
I am allergic to soy, coconut, peanuts, nuts, and stuff like dust mites, dogs and cats. Oh, and a lot of plants.
Question: What are some of your favorite things?
I love to sing, play the ukulele, and play video games.
I love to play basketball and dance.
My favorite book series is Big Nate.
My favorite foods are No Bake Cookies (without peanut butter, of course), tacos, and salad.
My favorite restaurant is Red Robin. I like it there because they can make me an allergen -free burger and fries.
And I can even eat the bun there.
Question: What is something that is hard to do because you have allergies?
It is hard for me to do sports sometimes, because my allergies cause my asthma to get stirred up sometimes.
Making it hard for me to breathe well.
But I have gotten better over the past few years, and use my inhaler right before any game or dance. It does help a lot.
I was able to play basketball last fall. That was so much fun.
I don’t eat out at a lot of restaurants.
I usually pack a lunch or a snack if we are going out for awhile.
Question: How often do you think about the fact you have allergies?
It feels really normal to me now.
After this long of having it, I don’t think of it as a strange thing.
It’s just something I have to deal with. It has become routine.
So it feels like I don’t really think about it very much.
Question: Is there anything you have been fearful about dealing with allergies?
When I was a little younger, I used to be scared of peanut butter.
If any of my friends were eating a peanut butter sandwich, I would kind of freak out.
Or if I went in a store that had an aisle of nuts, it would make me scared.
But now, I just stay away from people that are eating it.
I sit across from them, and make sure I don’t touch where they were eating.
Question: Is there anything you have felt badly about with having allergies?
When our family chose to get rid of peanut butter in our house several years ago,
I felt like it was my fault. I felt sad.
I knew that a lot of our family really liked peanut butter.
But now I realize it really isn’t an option for me. I could actually die from it.
So my family has made me realize it’s ok.
Also, I thought that maybe some kids wouldn’t want to be my friend.
Question: What is a kindness someone showed you, going out of their way to make you feel included even with food allergies?
When I played basketball this past winter, my coach was really understanding.
His son also is allergic to nuts so he knows what it feels like.
When it was time to celebrate for the end of the season, he sent an email to all the parents reminding them that there were kids in the class with allergies.
Then he asked my parents what dessert I would like in place of all the things there I couldn’t have.
He brought me my own giant pack of chocolate puddings!
Question: How do you feel when you see a “NO NUTS allowed” sign at places like the theater school you attend?
I like it!
It makes me feel safe, and that people are really trying to look out for kids like me.
Like they are understanding that it is a big deal for kids who are allergic to peanuts and nuts.
Question: What did you feel like the first time you met a kid your age who also was allergic to a lot of the same things you are?
It made me realize I am not the only kid dealing with it.
And that I was not as weird as I felt.
That it was “normal” for other kids too.
Question: What are some of the things you do to stay safe when you are away from the safety of your house?
I carry a backpack that has all the medicines I would need if I were to have an allergic reaction or anaphylaxis. I take it everywhere.
I know how to use my epi pen.
I don’t eat anything without checking the labels.
My parents normally check them, but if I am somewhere without them, I check them.
Even if my friend has checked them.
I like to double check.
I ask people to check the ingredients to everything I eat.
Question: Are there any places you can’t go because of allergies?
I don’t go to any restaurant that has peanuts out in the open or on the floor.
I’ve not been able to go to the football stadium with my grandpa because of peanuts.
I had to leave a seal exhibit one time because I started having a really bad reaction to something in the place.
We never figured out what it was.
If someone asks me if I want to pet their animal, I just say, “no thank you.”
I usually offer for my friends to come to my house and play, more often than going over to theirs.
Especially before we have a chance to talk about my allergies and explain things to them.
I also don’t play in the grass or leaves, like roll around in it.
If we are at a park, I just mostly stay up on the play ground equipment or on the concrete.
Question: How do you feel when you hear about kids reading your book about allergies: James and the Big Battle?
I have a mixture of sad and happy feelings.
Sad because if they have allergies too… well, that makes me sad for them.
But happy, because I want to make them feel like they aren’t alone… that there are a lot of kids that have to deal with them too.
It makes me happy to hear they read the book and liked it!
So there you have it.
From the mouth of a young man who has taken a quite positive approach to a very serious subject.
I hope you’ve been encouraged by this interview like I was.
His encouraging spirit is contagious… and I hope you caught it!
If you haven’t had a chance to check out James and the Big Battle: A Children’s Book about Allergies, you can do so here!
What is something you have dealt with allergy wise?
A fear? A positive experience?
We’d love to hear from YOU!
It is often painted as a time waster.
It is often said that your social media “friends” aren’t really friends.
It is often fasted from, weaned off, and talked badly about.
Some days your social media feed can be filled with controversial topics and opinions,
And the next can be filled with precious pictures of babies, cats, and dogs.
Now, I know there are ways to abuse social media.
I know there are hours to be wasted on social media.
I know you can feel like you have friends that you don’t really have.
We can use a good thing too much.
Or we can use a good thing for a harmful or hateful purpose.
Social media is the same way.
It is just another tool to connect…
and it is up to us to control it.
To use it intentionally.
To make it work for us!
As an person who gets energized by social interaction,
while being a mom who works from home…
being surrounded by my kids 24/7,
Social media has helped me in several ways.
It’s all up to how I use it.
Here are a few things to consider when using social media:
1) What are you using it for?
- Is it a virtual after work party or coffee meet up with friends to chat about your day?
- Share pictures of your kids and accomplishments?
- Is it a way to connect with family that is spread out across the country?
- Is it a way to share business related materials?
- Is it a way to share your religious or political views with friends and family?
- Is it a way to try to convert acquaintances to your religious or political way of thinking?
- Is it a way to find support over common problems, health issues, educational challenges, or interests?
- Is it a way to find like minded moms and dads who share similar goals and child-rearing approaches?
- Is it a way to connect with people without leaving your home?
- Is it a way to plan events? keep up with local opportunities?
- Is it a way to stay connected without a lot of time spent on the phone?
- Is it a way to connect with friends at odd hours of the night and day without having to be on the same schedule?
- Is it a way to read and learn?
- Is it a way to share freebies, deals, and contests with friends?
- Is it a way to connect with your teens?
Knowing HOW you are using specific social media sites will help you make better choices in what you post,
how much time you spend on it,
and who to accept as “friends.”
2) What filters will you use?
I am not talking about a photo filter (though I love those!)
I am talking about what you allow yourself to post.
I like to picture myself at a gathering of my friends that I’ve accepted in my social media world,
and think about talking to them as a group.
- What things would I be comfortable talking to them about?
- What things would be most likely misunderstood?
- What things are no one’s business?
- What things do they really care about?
- What things do more to hurt them than to help them?
- What things are negative and I would regret having said?
I’ve heard employers talking about deciding not to hire people after seeing their social media posts.
We’ve all heard of someone getting in trouble because of a careless tweet or Facebook picture.
By keeping these self imposed filters in my mind as I get on social media sites,
realizing my pictures and posts are not truly private…
well… Helps keep social media working for me… not against.
3) How can you use your social media time to work for you?
- I can talk to a friend while sitting in a dr’s office waiting room.
- I can catch up on my sister’s baby’s pictures while I am sitting in a dentist’s waiting room (instead of watching the waiting room tv!)
- I can wish happy birthday to all of my friends, and let them know I care about them.
- I can find out about special days, accomplishments, births, engagements, graduations, and more…
- of people I have loved and been fortunate to have lived close to at one time or another.
- I can share funny or uplifting stories, videos, and pictures with my friends and family.
- I can plan an event and quickly make an event page to help organize it.
- I can meet new people and learn about their story, and what is important to them.
- I can share positive events with many people quickly.
- I can find support in times of sorrow, without having to call a bunch of people and tell the same story over and over.
- I can find support for unique situations, connect with friends over common interests, and share concern over the miles.
- I can re-connect with friends from childhood, and be a tiny part of their current life… rejoicing in their joys and sharing their sorrows.
- I can connect with my kids and share funny things and thought provoking articles for them to read whenever they want.
I have found that I experience true friendship through many of my Facebook relationships.
I connect with communities of friends who like similar things.
I’ve connected with brand new and old friends around the world that deal with living with allergies, share common lifestyle choices, and interests.
They encourage me, and help me feel understood.
I connect with friends of different religious, lifestyle, and political views.
They also encourage me, and they keep me thinking.
Several of these friends I would rarely get to talk to without a social media outlet.
When I do get to see these friends in person, I have a lot I can talk to them about.
I can ask them about their trip, their dog, their kids, their work, their bargains… etc…
It’s just another way to connect with those I care about.
So yes, though I do agree that social media can be used for negative…
I chose to use it for positive in my life.
I like connecting with many people…
and my season of life doesn’t allow for much travel, or time talking on the phone.
Social media allows me to connect across the miles,
at any time,
with any friend.
And that’s pretty amazing.
It’s not the only way I want to connect,
but it is sure a fun and easy way.
How about you?
Do you have a social media site that you use?
What is a way you have found it to be a positive tool in your life?
Share in the comments! I’d love to hear from you!